Things you do not want to see

Beware, for today’s main posting is a tale of darkness, disgust, and shock at the frail human condition. It may be considered explicit and offensive, and if you are of a sensitive nature I suggest you click here now!!!

Now for those still with us, what is it with men that when they use a restroom, gents lavatory, call it what you will, they lose all sense of decency and moral propriety and become absolutely disgusting creatures?

As you can tell, I entered the restroom at work, and found something unpleasant. This is no surprise, I have in the past resorted to posting the following poster in the communal facilities:

I know you’re proud of what you’ve done
but please flush!

Even that direct approach has not perturbed the toilet artistry that haunts my building, and today was a perfect example. I strode in to the room, and took steps towards the stall farthest from the door, since all were empty it seemed neatest to start from the far end. As I swung open the door, my last footfall made the slightest splash, and the shock of what I saw turned my mind into a quivering mass of rage and laughter at the baseness of men’s lavatorial actions.

Some bright spark had clogged the toilet, but eagerly flushed away, leading to water, and more solid, and organic, debris smearing over the rim and cascading messily to the floor. I was shocked, and alarmed that the water was still flowing and pooling in quite a distressing manner. Heroically I ran from the room, and alerted our designated building management “point of contact” and went for a walk…

You know life is a little crazy when you walk half a mile to a supermarket to buy a pint of milk and use clean toilets! Yes, I highly commend Wegmans for the cleanliness and usability of their restroom facilities. There was even a small airfreshner spurting hisses of vanilla freshness into the room every few minutes. This was another world from what I am used to at my office, maybe they get a better kind of human there…

So a few hours later I decide to see if the situation has improved. Alarmingly very little had changed. The “water” (I think we all know it wasn’t exactly H2O) had seeped through the floor, leaving a highwater mark of brown organics coated in soaked tissue seaweed across the floor. Not pleasant as you can imagine, in fact a definite health hazard. One must also remember that my office is on the 6th floor (American 6th, it’d be the 5th in England, as calling the ground floor level 1 is misleading) and so if you are one of the real estate, mortgage, or accountancy firms on the 5th floor of… well, lets just say the big building on Ridgetop Road in Fairfax… then that stain on your ceiling is not the kind of leaking pipe you were expecting, and I’d move your coffee cup if I were you!

and with that pleasant thought, I wish you good night!

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2 comments

  1. Trouble · April 20, 2006

    NO DUMPING!!!

  2. Vash · April 22, 2006

    Ford!

    You blog like a toilet-obsessed anal retentive!

    I Love it!

    Considering the 3rd pint of Stella now.

    (Reassuringly expensife)

    Vash

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